Ron said, ‘I don’t want to be in a marriage where we never have sex!’ Amy responded, ‘Well, I don’t want to be in a marriage where sex is all I am valued for!’
They were stuck and beginning to lose hope that things could change. This video shows how they used a four step formula (L.O.V.E) to get unstuck and revitalize their sex life.
Are you in a relationship that is lacking the passion it once had? I believe this formula can help you as well. Let me invite you and your partner to watch the video together, and then use the exercises below to begin revitalizing your sex life.
Exercises
1. Use the 3 steps of the Couple’s Dialogue (Mirror, Validate, Empathize) to gain a deeper understanding of what sex means to each other.
Sit in two chairs facing each other, eye to eye, knee to knee. Take turns as “sender” and “receiver”.
As “sender” ask for the appointment. Start by sharing an appreciation for your partner. Then use the sentence stems under “MIRROR” to share what sex means to you and to go deeper into your feelings.
As “receiver” follow the directions under each of the three steps to MIRROR, VALIDATE, and EMPATHIZE with your partner.
MIRROR
SENDER:
“What sex means to me is…”
RECEIVER:
Mirror: “Let me see if I got what you’re saying. You’re saying…”
Then ask “Did I get it?”, checking for accuracy. Mirror any additions or corrections.
Then ask, “Is there more about that?”
SENDER:
When asked “Is there more about that?” go deeper into your feelings using these stems:
“When I think about this I feel…”
Receiver mirrors, asks “Did I get it?” “Is there more about that?” then…
“What this reminds me of when I was little is…”
Receiver mirrors, asks “Did I get it?” “Is there more about that?” then…
“What I’m really afraid of is…”
Receiver continues mirroring asking “Did I get it?” “Is there more about that?” until there is no more.
Receiver then briefly SUMMARIZES what was heard.
VALIDATE
RECEIVER:
“You make sense. And what makes sense is…”
“Is that the validation you need?”
EMPATHIZE
RECEIVER:
“I can imagine this makes you feel…” (sad, mad, glad, scared, or…)
“Do you feel like I really understand how you’re feeling?”
SENDER:
“Thanks for listening.”
Then reverse your roles and go through it again.
End with a one-minute full-body hug.
2. Use the Caring Behaviors exercise to learn what makes your partner feel loved and cared about. Then offer three of these behaviors as gifts every day for the next two months.
Click on the link above, print out two copies and follow the directions.
Suggestion: Use the Couple’s Dialogue to share the items on your list with each other. Begin with “One thing that makes me feel loved and cared about is…”
Although you do want to talk about things that make you feel loved sexually, focus mainly on the non-sexual desires. Making your partner feel loved and cared about in a non-sexual way is what rekindles sexual desire.
Utilize the power of these caring behaviors to help reignite your feelings of love for each other.
3. Use the Four Powerful Appreciations tool to share appreciations with your partner along with one-minute full-body hugs four times every day for the next two months.
Click on the link above, print out two copies and follow the directions.
Utilize the power of touch along with the power of appreciation to help reignite feelings of love for each other.
Use three exercises to apply the L.O.V.E. formula to your relationship.
L – Learn what makes your partner feel loved.
O – Offer these behaviors as gifts every day.
V – Voice your sexual desires and needs.
E – Express appreciation for your partner every day.
If you do these exercises, I’m confident you can rekindle your passion for each other and revitalize your sex life!
